Shame on you...

Let's meet a pet peeve of mine: Mr Public Shaming. I conducted an interview with him that I would love to share:

Me: So...Mr. PS, tell me what you're main objective is between parent and child communication?

Mr PS: well Sara, I've always thought it would be super beneficial to make sure a child understands that while a parent is talking to them that everyone around them knows how absolutely disappointed their parent is in them. My goal is downright humiliation and maybe some solid butterflies in the tummy for added affect.

Me: wow. So basically your whole goal is to completely demoralize a child and help them never forget the moment their parent was completely ashamed of them?

Mr. PS: Well yea...I mean I really need parents to do this as much as possible so their child can learn their place in this world as a loser. That way when they grow up they will be able to treat their own kids the same way and just really build in with their parents have taught them. It also helps if they really resent their parents and what they couldn't accomplish and then try to live vicariously thru their kid.  But of course I'll be there to point out the colossal failure their child is at achieving the parents dreams.

Me: do you ever feel sad when you see the look of hurt and agonizing disappointment on the Child's face when they realize what a letdown they are to their mom or dad?

Mr PS: Sara this is just an achievement on my part. The facial recognition I get to see of the pain and humiliation is just proof that my presence is working. I mean, they don't call me Mr. Public Shaming for nothing.

Me: I can understand correcting a child in front of others, especially when they are in danger...is your goal that this only happens when the child has made a decision that could hurt them?

Mr PS: Oh absolutely not, as a matter of fact, the more the picking at ridiculous things the better! The whole goal is to make them really feel the shame in every aspect of their decision making...from how they eat at a restaurant to how they perform in school or sports. Just as long as their are people around to witness the verbal beat down...then I've done my work.


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Listen - I don't need to add all the articles from professionals about public shaming, nor do I need to tell you how many children have committed suicide because of public shaming - COMMITTED SUICIDE PEOPLE.

I've seen it over and over. In the middle of Walmart, eating dinner out with my family, sporting events....you're right...I don't know the circumstances...but sometimes I can get a pretty good clue. You will never reach your child or have a healthy relationship with them by picking them apart in front of other people. You will break them down and they will resent you...and they should. Then they will find healthy parents of their friends to hang out with you and will grow up wishing they had parents that would just listen and talk to them and treat them like human beings. Most of you would never treat a friend the way you treat your kids...yet your children are supposed to be higher on the totem pole. I can almost bet if I troll your FB page you've posted something about anti bullying...well guess what? You're a BULLY!

Be brave enough to break the cycle...you are being abusive. Don't. Just shut up. Just wait till you're in private...and when you are think about what you want to say...or how you want to chastise thing FIRST about the long term goal. Is it to make them better and lift them up? Is it to break habits that are destructive? Or is it to eliminate the embarrassment you think they are to you? In short...don't be an ass to your kids...or someday they will return the favor.