Get real

Let's just get real for a minute. People are always talking about the need for authenticity and transparency. We have added these titles to our 'needs list' when it comes to friend shopping or church shopping or in general to different aspects of relationship and somehow in it we've also added ourselves to the seat of judge and jury to determine IF that person/entity is authentic...

Grrrrr. Sick of it. I feel I am a pretty authentic person...and as I'm reflecting on some of my relationships I'm thinking...people are expecting me to do / be something I'm not...and when I'm not...I'm not authentic in their eyes. I'm deemed 'fake'. 

What do I have to say to that? Whatever...

And

My feelings are hurt...why? Because I have been authentic and I have fought for relationships that I thought mattered to both parties only to see...they just don't. 

While I sit licking my wounds wanting to huddle in a corner...vowing never to open my heart again...God is already doing something. He's already planning my future. Some of that may be filled with quiet loneliness where I lament with Him and weep. Some of it though will be filled with new and beautiful people. 

And I... In my authentic self...will continue to put myself out there. Because I don't want to be anyone other than who I am and who He's molding me to be.

But...I'm tired of being left out and left behind and not acknowledged. I'm tired of sitting on the back burner. I'm tired of the phone ringing when the need arises and never hearing it when there's just a hello on the other end. 

I am a wife, mother, caretaker, workaholic, budget writer, cook, accountant, nurse, writer, reader, bill payer, provider, listener, responder, helper, teacher and I'm blessed...

And He's doing something...even now. And I am grateful He hasn't abandoned me.